The Hardest Thing

My husband finally announced the official date that he is leaving for San Jose, California - November 30. Ah, November 30. Just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it?

I'll have to admit that my apprehension is warring with my excitement. I have lived in Mississippi for about 27 years now, and this is the only home I have known. I find it hard to come up with reasons to like Mississippi, but I still find excuses to stay. We have small children. We don't have jobs lined up in California. Moving all of our accumulated junk will be expensive. I have no family that lives close to San Jose. The beat goes on.


My husband told me our relationship with Mississippi is that of an abusive husband and his wife. Mississippi is what I know, even if what I know isn't much.

I am not a homebody, but the only regular opportunity I get for travel is the sorta-annual church trip to Six Flags over Georgia. In fact, the first time that I ever left the South was when I visited my husband's extended family in Chicago for the Thanksgiving holidays (it was my first plane ride, too). My first big city experience. It was big (well, yuh), always noisy, and hectic.

I didn't know what to expect when my husband and I visited California. I didn't know what I would do if I didn't like it. But, San Jose seems like a big city with a small town feel. It was nice, something that I could live with, I think.

My husband will be going ahead without me or the kids because I think it will be easier if he sets up first while we stay with family in Mississippi. That way, he doesn't have to worry about finding a permanent place to stay right off, and he can search a job more carefully while he stays with one of his cousins there.

I will be separated from my husband for months. It will be longest we've been apart in the four years we've been married. Our little daughter is going to take this pretty hard. See, I'm still finding excuses.

I never thought leaving Mississipi would be the most difficult thing that I would do.