My Heaven, Your Hell.

After the bright lights subside
there you stand, in the midst
of tall grasses and sweet air.

Humming reaches your ears
and you turn your head
in anticipation and eagerness.

Up there! What do you see?
Choirs of angels swaying in song...
But you frown at the noise.

They swing their shoulders
as they utter their praises
scats and beatboxing and rapping.

You cringe and pull your head
back in confusion and contempt.
Surely angels would sing hymns?

This isn't the reverent spirituals
befitting a great King. Would a Holy
God accept music such as this?

Before you can question further--
Over a hill women and men spill
to greet you with joyful smiles.

Your blood runs cold and your
own smile falls. Not very many
of them look very much like you.

Some have turbans. Others robes.
A few wear colored braids and
wild hairstyles you have never seen before.

Where are the familiar faces that you
expected? Surely this place would be
filled with the people you held dear.

In a sudden flash, you contemplate
the possibility that you have gotten
it all wrong; that this beautiful place

that you thought was full of angels
and saints was ridden with demons and
lost souls. Not Heaven, but Hell.

Not Himself

In the struggle to give my son an opportunity that he wouldn't otherwise have, I have shut the door on his potential.

When he was small, he was a typical boy with autism. He screamed and had tantrums and didn't smile so much and didn't like contact. I could barely keep him in school. None of the teachers wanted him in their classes.

I decided that I had to teach my son how to hide his symptoms so that he would be better accepted and so that he could survive in this life. I taught him how to make and keep eye contact. I taught him how to sit still for longer and longer periods of time. I taught him to seek out hugs. I taught him how to suppress his tantrums most of the time.

I taught him how to not be himself.

Only now am I realizing how stupid I've been. At school, when my son is feeling bad and doesn't want to deal with school, do you know what he does? He acts like himself. He screams and throws tantrums.

The teachers throw up their hands and give up on him and send him home. They supposedly specialize in children with autism, but they can't handle my son on the very few days out of the school term when he acts out. "He's not acting like the student I know." Well, you never knew him. Then they simply throw him away; they reject who he really is.

I can no longer abide by this. Why am I teaching my son to act like someone else to make them comfortable when they don't appreciate that? They think I'm lucky to have my son. They're ignorant of all the hard work my son, family, and I have put into his behavior. They think that he's a happy little mistake. They're blind to the truth.

He's not my mistake; he's my blessing.

Update: A Time to Fight

At my son's IEP meeting, I talked with his team about removing "intellectually disabled" off his IEP. I got the old run around about how he could lose services elsewhere (like from SSI-- which is none of their business). I asked if it would affect his services in this current school district. They told me no.

So I asked them to remove it. The psychologist said she would call-- a week ago. Looks like that was for nothing. I guess I'll get around to asking the teacher what's up with that psychologist.

Tired doesn't even begin to describe my state of mind.

Who Do Anime Characters Represent Ethnically?

Cardcaptor Sakura

I love to watch Japanese animation. The first two I ever got into was Yakitate Japan and Akagi. One is about a baking bread competition and the other, mahjong competition. I guess competition is my thing. Since then I've watched many anime shows from all sorts of genres, hundreds of episodes, but something has started niggling in the back of my mind. When I see a character that is Japanese but has green eyes and blonde hair, it makes me think. Why is that character portrayed like that?

I ask this because the problem seems to come to a head when the anime is being adapted by a studio. An American studio. Then who's going to be cast comes into play. Do the cast directors ask for and choose the actors who look like the characters? Do they choose Japanese actors and tell them to dye their hair and wear contacts? Do they choose Japanese actors and let the character look however the actor looks?